Things I hate about public restrooms

Welcome Humans...to my blog.

Reading this blog is a recipe for sarcastic behavior, anyone who reads it should be stoned(as in with rocks, not the weed kind).

Herein I will discuss a diverse assortment of topics that completely grind my gears, rustle my jimmies, and make my blood run hotter than the fires of hell that are burning for any man, woman, or child that disagrees with my viewpoints. I mean that in the most respectful way possible, as if were at all possible to respect a simpleton that fails to see my point, but I digress.

The first topic I will touch on is...

Things About Public Restrooms That Really Piss Me Off.

Your average park restroom

First you have your public park. You never want to take a dump at a public park unless your life depends on it, you never know what diseases could be waiting to assault your orifice when you sit on that toilet, and don't tell me they clean those toilets regularly, every bum in the city is using that restroom for God knows what, and he doesn't even wanna know.

But sometimes duty calls, and the options become: risk getting a rectum eating parasite from sharing the same toilet as a homeless man that forgot the meaning of personal hygiene and disease control years ago, or get in your car and drive to your house. Usually you will opt to use the park restroom, and it's never a fun experience.

Duty calls, all over your face

Whats with the faucets in public park restrooms? You know the ones where you hit the button and it gives you about two seconds of water to wash the slime off of your hands that just shot out of the soap dispenser?You have to keep pressing the freakin thing every 2 seconds, doesn't it kind of defeat the purpose of washing your hands anyways? You just touched that thing before you washed your hands, and now you're going to touch it again, no matter what you walk away with dirty hands, and most likely you're going to be handling birthday cake, pizza, or hotdogs, none of which are a good combination with the type of germs you're carrying around. You're better off not even washing your darn hands at that rate, just splash some water on them to give everyone the illusion of safety from bum germs.

Cyborg Nemesis

Washing your hands after you use the bathroom seems to be something we just do as a ritual, it's like people have forgotten what the actual purpose was. What's the point of washing your hands if there's no soap? Do you feel better after going through the ritual even if you didn't use soap? Like somehow germs have a weakness for water?

Another thing I can't stand, is those paperless hand dryers. You know the ones, we all know the ones. It shoots out a stream of air and never gets your hands dry, you have to wipe it on your shirt, but we still use them every time, even though they do NOTHING.

One more useless than the other, you decide

Then you've got your nicer restroom, at your job perhaps, it's decked out with all the luxuries that the modern Urine and Fecal industry can provide. But it sucks just as bad, here's why:

Most of them haven't mustered up the courage to let you control the water flow themselves, so you're still stuck pressing that button, all though they might bump it up to four seconds of water flow if they're generous.

A big staple of the modern restroom has now become those stupid automatic paper dispenser. You know the one's where they try to seriously limit the amount of paper you get. The put a time delay in between sheets, so no one gets an unfair amount of paper, we are having a serious paper shortage so it's probably a good idea. The only problem is they never give you enough to dry your hands, they give you a sheet that's a quarter of the size of your standard paper towel sheet, and it's usually a cheap brand that barely absorbs any water.

So they've got those automatic soap dispensers, which spit out WAY more soap than you need, then you've got those timed water faucets that never give you enough water to get the soap off, and then a paper towel that's not big enough to get all of the water off. The whole thing doesn't make any freaking sense!

All in all you're left with two options: Don't wash your hands at all, you'll still have less germs than if you do wash them, or wash them and stand there waiting for the automatic dispensers to give you enough to actually allow you to thoroughly wash your hands.

Screw the rain forest, I take as many paper towels as I need. We all know these corporations don't get those air dryers or automatic paper towel dispensers to do something good for the environment anyhow, they buy them so they can save a couple bucks and add it to the CEO's salary, after everyone applauds him for being such a benefactor towards the wildlife in the rain forest.

I'm out. Peace.

-The Cynical Cyborg

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